A desert monk was summoned to Alexandria one day by his bishop. As he entered the city, he saw a prostitute, and he started to weep. "Why are you weeping, Abba?" his disciples asked him. "Because," he replied, "I am afraid for the soul of this young woman. And I am also weeping because she takes more time and effort to be attractive to men than I do to acquire the grace of God."
This is a story that Father Alexis told in his homily this morning, and although I cannot remember the name of the dessert monk in this story, I content really struck me. "...more time and effort to be attractive...than to acquire the grace of God."
And that is what I want to write about today. I think having a "plain" heart, means that this be NOT the case. And then I thought of "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." "All these things" here is clothes, and the things we need for this life.
So it is important not to spend too much time dwelling on (obsessing over) one's clothes, one's head covering (or whether or not, blah blah blah), whether one is "plain enough" or whatever. Conversely it's important not to spent so much time in front of the mirror either in vanity and pride, or in vanity and self condemnation which is also a form of pride. Who are we to loath our selves? Who are we to belittle our own appearance? I did not create myself. I am not the one who decided to give me curly brown hair and huge eyebrows and a sharp chin, or whatever. Give glory to God! He knows exactly what our we need for the salvation of our souls and he gives us everything!
And the effort, dear friends, ought to be put towards acquiring the grace of God. The rest shall be added unto us as well.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Baby Steps Towards Plain: Definitions
One of the things keeping me from jumping whole hog into wearing "plain" clothes is that "plain" as traditionally defined by the religious groups that practice it, is almost "costumey". One of the motivations is that they be "distinctive from the world".
However, in my little project, I need to find a happy medium. What does "plain" mean for me in my more urban context (people do dress differently here than they do in small town USA)?
I came across a wonderful definition of clothing versus costume that I want to share:
So my baby steps towards plain are going to involve more musings about my vanity, my attitudes, my simplicity of heart than they will about revamping my wardrobe or making/acquiring new clothes.
Having said that, I did make a wonderful brown jumper the other day and it is SO COMFORTABLE. And it feels "plain" when I wear it. Sort of a modern day plain. Not old fashioned. Not fashionable at all, but rather nondescript to the point of not even being "unfashionable". THAT is what I am aiming for: No drama. Just clothes.
However, in my little project, I need to find a happy medium. What does "plain" mean for me in my more urban context (people do dress differently here than they do in small town USA)?
I came across a wonderful definition of clothing versus costume that I want to share:
Costume could be anything we're wearing that is about deliberately projecting an image that's not aligned with our spirit & environment.And in thinking about all of this, the other thing that comes to mind is that it's more about what's in my heart than what's on my body, although I believe that the outside will reflect the inside.
So my baby steps towards plain are going to involve more musings about my vanity, my attitudes, my simplicity of heart than they will about revamping my wardrobe or making/acquiring new clothes.
Having said that, I did make a wonderful brown jumper the other day and it is SO COMFORTABLE. And it feels "plain" when I wear it. Sort of a modern day plain. Not old fashioned. Not fashionable at all, but rather nondescript to the point of not even being "unfashionable". THAT is what I am aiming for: No drama. Just clothes.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
How it Went
SO....I had that appointment today and I really really liked my care giver. She's a nurse practitioner who is very very well informed and takes a holistic approach to her health care-giving. I filled out tons for forms and surveys for her, and my scores showed that I, for one thing, have an inflamed and leaky gut. We talked for a long time. Additionally, my scores on other forms I filled out show that most likely my thyroid, but also all my other hormones are a hot mess!
She was so well informed, listened to my concerns and was on the same page about lots of things: approves of raw milk drinking (although now I get to stick with raw goats milk), wants me to drink Kombucha and be on a gluten free/casein free diet. For starters. I'm seeing lots of bone broth in my future, I think. I've never been off dairy before, so that should be interesting. And I'll have to brush up on my gfcf knowledge base. Its been a few years since one of my kids tried that diet. The danger, I know, is that there's LOTS of gfcf junk food out there and that is NOT a trap I need to fall into on a regular basis. But it is nice to know it exists for special occasions...
So, the new diet. A new supplement she's wanting me to try, a food journal and symptom journal. In a few weeks, at our next appointment we will tackle the blood work results.
Oh, and she wanted to test me for heavy metal poisoning as well. I got much sicker when we moved here to Louisville and have gained 45 pounds since moving here, without changing my eating habits. Whether that's to do with hormonal aftereffects of the surgery I had or something else, it seems like this excellent practitioner will leave no stone unturned. She is a far cry from so many doctors I've met, who dismiss me and tell me I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm sick.
Now I want to get better.
She was so well informed, listened to my concerns and was on the same page about lots of things: approves of raw milk drinking (although now I get to stick with raw goats milk), wants me to drink Kombucha and be on a gluten free/casein free diet. For starters. I'm seeing lots of bone broth in my future, I think. I've never been off dairy before, so that should be interesting. And I'll have to brush up on my gfcf knowledge base. Its been a few years since one of my kids tried that diet. The danger, I know, is that there's LOTS of gfcf junk food out there and that is NOT a trap I need to fall into on a regular basis. But it is nice to know it exists for special occasions...
So, the new diet. A new supplement she's wanting me to try, a food journal and symptom journal. In a few weeks, at our next appointment we will tackle the blood work results.
Oh, and she wanted to test me for heavy metal poisoning as well. I got much sicker when we moved here to Louisville and have gained 45 pounds since moving here, without changing my eating habits. Whether that's to do with hormonal aftereffects of the surgery I had or something else, it seems like this excellent practitioner will leave no stone unturned. She is a far cry from so many doctors I've met, who dismiss me and tell me I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm sick.
Now I want to get better.
Health Care Stuff
It's all I ever blog about, isn't it. I'm sick...blah blah blah...I feel lousy...yadayadayada....
I DO pray, you know. Lots of "Lord Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me a sinners" happening around here. Especially while I'm crying in bed at night because I can't get to sleep. Yes, I am very aware that I write depressed person's blog.
So, today is the big day. In about ten minutes I'm off to see a new health care professional and hopefully get some treatment that will ACTUALLY HELP ME, rather than the smarmy "you are fine" garbage I usually get.
This appointment feels like I'm going to a job interview. I feel like I have to go in there and prove that I am "worthy" of treatment. I pray to God this care provider will treat me clinically, and not based on my blood work. Because I am the person who had a negative pregnancy blood test WHILE I WAS PREGNANT. Yes. I did. Blood tests can lie.
Or maybe God will perform a miracle and my blood work won't lie this time.
Obviously I'm writing nothing productive, just nervous yammering. Forgive me. Well, off I go!
I DO pray, you know. Lots of "Lord Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me a sinners" happening around here. Especially while I'm crying in bed at night because I can't get to sleep. Yes, I am very aware that I write depressed person's blog.
So, today is the big day. In about ten minutes I'm off to see a new health care professional and hopefully get some treatment that will ACTUALLY HELP ME, rather than the smarmy "you are fine" garbage I usually get.
This appointment feels like I'm going to a job interview. I feel like I have to go in there and prove that I am "worthy" of treatment. I pray to God this care provider will treat me clinically, and not based on my blood work. Because I am the person who had a negative pregnancy blood test WHILE I WAS PREGNANT. Yes. I did. Blood tests can lie.
Or maybe God will perform a miracle and my blood work won't lie this time.
Obviously I'm writing nothing productive, just nervous yammering. Forgive me. Well, off I go!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Baby Steps Towards Plain
Plain dressing has, for years, fascinated me. I think Quakers who are plain, the Amish, the Mennonites, Monastics, are all so beautiful in their way. What attracts me to their way of dress is the simplicity and the plain-ness. Now, without being a part of a community that has such a uniform, dressing in such a manner would almost be presumptuous, like going around dressing like a Pirate all the time would be presumptuous. It would be dressing in a costume.
My long time readers will remember that I did a project two years ago, in the autumn, where wore the same two identical brown dresses for a month. It was an exploration of simplicity. It was a fast of sorts. It was a way for me to confront my own accquisitivenes and my own vanity. It is time for me to do another such project.
This time, I am calling the project "Baby Steps Towards Plain". The parameters and the goal of my project will be a little bit different, and I have not thought completely of all that it will entail just yet. But I will, and when I do I will let you, my dear readers, know.
This has been brewing for some time now. You see, last winter, I learned about, and decided to invest a significant amount of money (which I had earned by sewing) into a program called "Dressing Your Truth". When I bought the program, I was just wanting to find some sort of system whereby I would finally be at peace with my wardrobe and with the question of "what to wear". I went through the lessons, and at the end, I thought "For THIS I spent ALL THAT MONEY??????" Yes, it was ridiculously expensive. I thought I would get more, and I felt ripped off. But then I decided that the advice was good and I would make the best of it and get my money's worth, by dingy. This meant that I started investing in costume jewelry and (five dollars here, three or seven dollars there...) and looking at my thrift store clothing purchases in a new light, with an eye to cut and color and style. I bought a faux snake skin jacket. Yes, it fit the DYT "rules" and it "looked good" on me, but egads! I did not look like myself. Gone was the ragamuffin, and arrived was this sophisticated, worldly-wise looking woman. I felt like I had lost something. And then, as the weeks and months went by of me trying to "dress my truth" the TRUTH finally hit me: In order for ME to DRESS MY TRUTH...I would have to start wearing a head-covering again (1 Cor. 11...I can never fully get away from that passage in the Holy Scriptures). This was ME dressing my truth. Not exactly what the author of that program had in HER mind. She'd probably say something about blocking my chakras or somesuch. Garbage, folks. I purchased GARBAGE with my hard-earned money. God have mercy!
But it DID get me a nifty cardboard color chart and it DID get me out of wearing so many flowy clothes that I really DID feel somewhat ill-fitted (read: redonkulous) in. So I DID learn a few valuable nuggets from the DYT course, and the Holy Spirit DID use it to remind me of what once was...and of a "podvig" that's been laid on me by God for whatever reason. I think Roman Catholics might use the term "sacramental" to describe how I feel about wearing a head covering for prayer and in obedience to Scripture and to honor the Theotokos (Mother of God).
So, here I am. Two years ago I did that "Brown Dress Project" of mine and I think I am ready to revisit it in revised form. I'm going to think about "the rules" and get back with you on what I"m doing.
I will say this: Today, I bagged up all my costume jewelry: the bracelets, the necklaces, the earraings...all of it. I'm wearing my usual "wedding rings" even though none of the rings on my hand are from my actual wedding, since I lost the stone to my engagement ring and my hands are too puffy for my wedding band...sigh. I am wearing a cross around my neck on a string. The cross and one simple band to show I'm married will stay. The rest...who knows. But the rest of the jewelry is packed away. It is my first baby step towards "plain".
My long time readers will remember that I did a project two years ago, in the autumn, where wore the same two identical brown dresses for a month. It was an exploration of simplicity. It was a fast of sorts. It was a way for me to confront my own accquisitivenes and my own vanity. It is time for me to do another such project.
This time, I am calling the project "Baby Steps Towards Plain". The parameters and the goal of my project will be a little bit different, and I have not thought completely of all that it will entail just yet. But I will, and when I do I will let you, my dear readers, know.
This has been brewing for some time now. You see, last winter, I learned about, and decided to invest a significant amount of money (which I had earned by sewing) into a program called "Dressing Your Truth". When I bought the program, I was just wanting to find some sort of system whereby I would finally be at peace with my wardrobe and with the question of "what to wear". I went through the lessons, and at the end, I thought "For THIS I spent ALL THAT MONEY??????" Yes, it was ridiculously expensive. I thought I would get more, and I felt ripped off. But then I decided that the advice was good and I would make the best of it and get my money's worth, by dingy. This meant that I started investing in costume jewelry and (five dollars here, three or seven dollars there...) and looking at my thrift store clothing purchases in a new light, with an eye to cut and color and style. I bought a faux snake skin jacket. Yes, it fit the DYT "rules" and it "looked good" on me, but egads! I did not look like myself. Gone was the ragamuffin, and arrived was this sophisticated, worldly-wise looking woman. I felt like I had lost something. And then, as the weeks and months went by of me trying to "dress my truth" the TRUTH finally hit me: In order for ME to DRESS MY TRUTH...I would have to start wearing a head-covering again (1 Cor. 11...I can never fully get away from that passage in the Holy Scriptures). This was ME dressing my truth. Not exactly what the author of that program had in HER mind. She'd probably say something about blocking my chakras or somesuch. Garbage, folks. I purchased GARBAGE with my hard-earned money. God have mercy!
But it DID get me a nifty cardboard color chart and it DID get me out of wearing so many flowy clothes that I really DID feel somewhat ill-fitted (read: redonkulous) in. So I DID learn a few valuable nuggets from the DYT course, and the Holy Spirit DID use it to remind me of what once was...and of a "podvig" that's been laid on me by God for whatever reason. I think Roman Catholics might use the term "sacramental" to describe how I feel about wearing a head covering for prayer and in obedience to Scripture and to honor the Theotokos (Mother of God).
So, here I am. Two years ago I did that "Brown Dress Project" of mine and I think I am ready to revisit it in revised form. I'm going to think about "the rules" and get back with you on what I"m doing.
I will say this: Today, I bagged up all my costume jewelry: the bracelets, the necklaces, the earraings...all of it. I'm wearing my usual "wedding rings" even though none of the rings on my hand are from my actual wedding, since I lost the stone to my engagement ring and my hands are too puffy for my wedding band...sigh. I am wearing a cross around my neck on a string. The cross and one simple band to show I'm married will stay. The rest...who knows. But the rest of the jewelry is packed away. It is my first baby step towards "plain".
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Intense Beauty of Orthodox Christian Worship
This video captures some of the intensity of Orthodox Christian worship. I love how the ladies have their heads covered, and it all seems so natural. People aren't "dressed to the nines" or showing off their clothing, or hair styles or beauty, or wealth.
This video is from Georgia (the country not the State), and I'm sure that people there are less wealthy than they are here in the U.S.A. But I'm thinking that this is another aspect of head covering that I'd not really considered before...it is proper not to dress with fancy "broided" hair, or jewels, but with modestly, meekness, and a humble spirit. This comes through in our garb. Or it ought to!
Some of us are in a place where such is the norm. Others of us are in a place where such meekness might really stick out like a sore thumb.
May God grant each one of us the grace she needs to do what He calls us to.
God bless your evening, and glorious feast day of the Elevation of the Life-giving Cross, dear ones!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Lord Jesus, Save me!
Well dear friends, I have just posted three new scarves to my etsy shop! I've had them sewn up for a long time but have not gotten around to posting them until today! That shows how busy I've been with sewing for other customers!
I am also Ill, dear friends, and I beg you to continue to keep me in your prayers. I don't know if it's just a combination of the fibromyalgia I was diagnosed with in 2004 and the mono I was sick with since January...or if something else is going on. At any rate, I've been in a LOT of pain and have been dealing with tremendous amounts of fatigue! Lord have mercy! I get going, with the kids' home schooling each morning, and by early or mid afternoon I cannot do another thing. It's been a struggle for my whole family and the kids don't much like having a chronically ill mom, but they ARE pitching in quite well.
Afternoons find me on the couch and aching all over and very very tired. The muscle pain has even made me writhe and cry, and I'm normally a pretty tough cookie! I've determined to find a doctor who might help me and I'm going to see someone who is a hormonal expert, and see about my hormones and my thyroid. I honestly have almost ALL the symptoms of low thyroid, and have for years, but the doctors always test my blood and tell me I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm sick. Please pray that I will connect with a healthcare provider who will work with me to get to the bottom of what is going on. And if it is "just fibro and mono" that God would give me the strength to carry on and for healing. Well, those things at any rate, regardless of thyroid or not.
I feel very weak and spent, emotionally and spiritually, and spent last night crying for hours and buckets of tears during Church this morning as well. I sit on the front row and I'm afraid I QUITE scandalized one little altar boy who kept staring at me and my big red nose while he was holding his taper... I don't know how to be, dear friends. It is so very awkward, when people ask me "how are you?" to say "I'm sick." But I had that particular conversation over and over this morning...Pain and fatigue are isolating. What do you want me to learn, Lord?
I'm starting to turn down sewing jobs, which makes me so very very sad. Still have a few to finish up...and then I will REST and try to find a doctor who can help me. But last night I DID find some scrumptious stretch laces and chiffon fabrics that I will be sewing into stretchy head band type head coveirngs...probably during October. Those are small sewing jobs, so I hope some one or two folks find some lovelies they want to buy at some point. As usual, if you have a particular WISH for something in particular, I will do my best to create it for you.
And today is 9/11. In contrast to the horror that we Americans are remembering...the gospel reading this morning had the following: " For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. " John 3:16-17 Christ is our only salvation. He is salvation for those who flew those planes into the buildings, whether they want it or not. He is the salvation of the Port Authority goons who are preventing the rebuilding of St. Nicholas Church that was destroyed with one of the towers fell, whether they want it, or not. He is the only hope of salvation for a nation at perpetual war, whether we want it or not. He is MY salvation, and I DO WANT IT. I want HIM. And if that means chronic illness with no relief for the rest of my earthly life...if that is God's will, then I will strive to embrace it with grace and live in his mercy and for His glory. But Oh, I need that salvation! And I need God's help!
My dear husband bought me a similar icon to this one, recently, to encourage me. There's me, just like Peter, saying "Lord Jesus save me!" The wind and the waves? That's my life. My illness. My weight. The kids autism. All of it.
I am also Ill, dear friends, and I beg you to continue to keep me in your prayers. I don't know if it's just a combination of the fibromyalgia I was diagnosed with in 2004 and the mono I was sick with since January...or if something else is going on. At any rate, I've been in a LOT of pain and have been dealing with tremendous amounts of fatigue! Lord have mercy! I get going, with the kids' home schooling each morning, and by early or mid afternoon I cannot do another thing. It's been a struggle for my whole family and the kids don't much like having a chronically ill mom, but they ARE pitching in quite well.
Afternoons find me on the couch and aching all over and very very tired. The muscle pain has even made me writhe and cry, and I'm normally a pretty tough cookie! I've determined to find a doctor who might help me and I'm going to see someone who is a hormonal expert, and see about my hormones and my thyroid. I honestly have almost ALL the symptoms of low thyroid, and have for years, but the doctors always test my blood and tell me I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm sick. Please pray that I will connect with a healthcare provider who will work with me to get to the bottom of what is going on. And if it is "just fibro and mono" that God would give me the strength to carry on and for healing. Well, those things at any rate, regardless of thyroid or not.
I feel very weak and spent, emotionally and spiritually, and spent last night crying for hours and buckets of tears during Church this morning as well. I sit on the front row and I'm afraid I QUITE scandalized one little altar boy who kept staring at me and my big red nose while he was holding his taper... I don't know how to be, dear friends. It is so very awkward, when people ask me "how are you?" to say "I'm sick." But I had that particular conversation over and over this morning...Pain and fatigue are isolating. What do you want me to learn, Lord?
I'm starting to turn down sewing jobs, which makes me so very very sad. Still have a few to finish up...and then I will REST and try to find a doctor who can help me. But last night I DID find some scrumptious stretch laces and chiffon fabrics that I will be sewing into stretchy head band type head coveirngs...probably during October. Those are small sewing jobs, so I hope some one or two folks find some lovelies they want to buy at some point. As usual, if you have a particular WISH for something in particular, I will do my best to create it for you.
And today is 9/11. In contrast to the horror that we Americans are remembering...the gospel reading this morning had the following: " For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. " John 3:16-17 Christ is our only salvation. He is salvation for those who flew those planes into the buildings, whether they want it or not. He is the salvation of the Port Authority goons who are preventing the rebuilding of St. Nicholas Church that was destroyed with one of the towers fell, whether they want it, or not. He is the only hope of salvation for a nation at perpetual war, whether we want it or not. He is MY salvation, and I DO WANT IT. I want HIM. And if that means chronic illness with no relief for the rest of my earthly life...if that is God's will, then I will strive to embrace it with grace and live in his mercy and for His glory. But Oh, I need that salvation! And I need God's help!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Fan Fold Headcovering
I have had someone ask me about my fan fold head covering style, and so I wanted to show you all how it looks from the front and the back, so you all can see how wide it is: (I have a very big head. Also, bear in mind this style looks slighly better on someone with LONG hair. Modeling keeps me humble. Lord have mercy!)
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